We’ve all been there. We’ve all experienced those people who feel that the cure for ADHD (and many other cognitive and mental health issues) is “Just don’t be that way!”
And while those people are right, the cure to not focusing really is to focus, it doesn’t mean that we can.
And the truth is, the smarter person is the first one who can realize that it can’t be fixed by just telling us to do or don’t do. And the smart one is never the one giving the advice.
It’s in the wiring
Its like this, we’re wired differently. I know, we say that all the time, but think about that.
Back in the days of single purpose devices, before your phone could turn on your TV, get your email, and cut your lawn (I take a slight liberty) you wouldn’t expect your doorbell switch to turn on your coffee maker, would you?
And yet, the only thing that stopped that from being the case was that your doorbell switch wasn’t connected to your coffee maker.
By the same token …
You didn’t ever think that your scanner could also be your fax or your copier or your printer back in the eighties … then someone wired them together.
Well, I don’t want anyone messing with my wiring. I like who I am and the way I am and I’ll just keep being me for now.
And I’ll keep telling people to not tell me to just focus or just remember or just be on time or just … yeah, you know what I mean, right?
And the funny thing is that the people who get frustrated with me because they think I can’t learn, don’t ever seem to catch on that what they’re doing isn’t going to work. They don’t get that they can’t seem … to learn that.
Should I tell them they’re doing something wrong? “Surely if you knew what you were talking about you’d have fixed me by now, don’t you think?”
But let’s face the plain and simple truth, if the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, who’s insane, me who cannot change or the person who can’t quit saying, “Just change?”
I know, right?
And lastly, I have to wonder why they keep asking that same question and never cluing in about the obvious answer. Which question? The one that goes, “What are you getting out of doing this wrong every time?”
And of course the answer is, “Nothing. I’m getting nothing out of that. I’m getting less than nothing because it’s making my life worse.”
So now I have to ask them, “What are you getting out of failing to fix me but continuing to try, though you’re doing it without adequate tools, without understanding, without research, and without compassion?”
Because, seriously, don’t you think, even you, you who can’t seem to quit harassing me even though it does no good, don’t even you think that if I could help it … I would?
Kelly Babcock – A Man of Distraction on Psych Central
As a singer songwriter, writer of music, prose, and poetry, Kelly shares his creative talents with the world and is the supreme chief editor of See in ADHD.